Could Drinking Alcohol Be Eroding Your Authenticity?
As drinkers, we’re all presenting dulled-down versions of ourselves. In his book Alcohol Explained, my friend William Porter has a brilliant line: “The fact is that whoever you are as a drinker, it is not the real you. It is a poor quality you.” As I look back on who I was as a drinker, this blunt analysis could not be truer. Although I thought that alcohol brought out a more engaging, carefree version of me, all it did was dilute my brilliance. I was not being my authentic self as a drinker. Hell, I’d put so much effort into becoming a cooler, more socially acceptable version of myself that I hardly knew who my authentic self was, and this started to spill over into my daily interactions. The self I presented was a cheap facsimile of me. It was a hologram of who I thought the world wanted me to be in order to be seen as fun and popular.
You are doing yourself and the rest of the world a tremendous disservice each time you choose to show up as the dull, diluted version of yourself. You are hiding the most unique, honest, and quirky parts of yourself that make you human and incredibly endearing. You are robbing the people around you of experiencing your humanness. True connection is built around humanity. It may feel like alcohol is bringing you closer to people, but it’s actually keeping you at a distance from them.
Signs You May Be out of Authentic Alignment
In most cases, alcohol isn’t what pulls us out of authentic alignment. We tend to lose touch with our authentic selves through a series of tiny abandonments made throughout childhood and adolescence as a method of self-preservation. We typically make these micro-abandonments out of fear of perceived punishment or a promise of reward.
For example, maybe someone made you feel ashamed or self-conscious about an interest or hobby, so you stopped pursuing that interest to avoid further shame and embarrassment. Or maybe you were made to feel selfish or frivolous for pursuing an interest that was not considered productive in your family. At a young age, you also may have been rewarded for acting maturely or been required to care for others. You might also resonate with feeling different from those around you and adjusting your personality to better fit in. Many life experiences might cause us to subtly alter our own character in order to be accepted. Yet when we do so, we ultimately set ourselves up for discontent later in life.
Here are some common signs that you might be out of authentic alignment:
You often find yourself doing or saying what you think will most please others.
You hide behind an armor and avoid vulnerability.
You don’t have hobbies or interests outside of work, family, and your social life.
You lack creative outlets.
You choose hobbies or pastimes based on what is cool or most acceptable in your social group versus spending time on activities you enjoy.
You chose a career based on practicality or esteem versus desire.
You excel in your career (and most things you do), but you’re not fulfilled by the work.
You feel stuck on a path you’re not meant to be on.
You identify as a people pleaser or perfectionist.
You’ve always considered yourself a little weird or different from those around you, and you’ve put effort into downplaying your more eccentric side to appear normal.
There are things you want to accomplish that you feel guilty or childish for pursuing.
You downplay your abilities and desires out of the fear of being criticized for being “too much” if you shine as brightly as you are capable of.
Once out of alignment, it’s common to turn to the most socially acceptable tool we can find to minimize our feelings of inauthenticity: alcohol. Although drinking may temporarily lessen the discomfort of living inauthentically, the unfortunate reality is that drinking also keeps us from returning to authentic alignment. Alcohol keeps us stuck by muffling our communication with our internal guidance system and limiting our motivation to take action toward our dreams. As drinkers, we have trouble returning to our most authentic selves because we’re too filled with self-doubt, too short on time, or—frankly—too hung over. Therefore, even if you’ve heard the nudge of your Inner Guide to start living differently, it’s likely you’ve lacked the courage, confidence, and ambition to do much about it.
If you feel out of alignment with your authentic self and are unable to tap into your dreams and desires, the greatest gift you can give yourself is the gift of clarity. This is the promise of sobriety. Clarity, combined with increased time, energy, and self-confidence, will go a long way in helping you to live as your most authentic self, thus achieving your personal potential.
Authenticity and Potential
Authenticity is the backbone of achieving your potential. If you’re not tapped into your authentic truth, it’s likely you’ll struggle with naming and claiming your genuine desires. To step fully into your potential, you have to know what you want . . . and you need the courage and confidence to go after it. Important aspects of achieving your potential include living out your dreams and desires, expressing your creativity, exploring hobbies, achieving personal goals, finding your calling, and connecting with your higher self. The simple truth is that most of us have gotten so caught up with the expectations of society that we’ve lost touch with what we want. We end up pursuing mediocre, average lives instead of pursuing our authentic desires.
When you lose touch with your authentic self and stop striving for your personal potential, it is common to experience discontent at best and depression at worst. Under the spell of discontent and depression, many people turn to a solution like alcohol to numb the pain and confusion.
Most of the women I work with tell me they, too, have abandoned, sacrificed, or downplayed their own needs and desires to meet the expectations of family or society at large. In most cases, the discomfort of misalignment eventually sinks in, and alcohol becomes a useful tool for anesthetizing the lingering discomfort of feeling personally unfulfilled. It only makes sense that we’d choose a coping mechanism like alcohol in times when we subconsciously seek to forget ourselves.