Do You Feel Like You’re In Limbo After Going Alcohol-Free?

Here are 3 Steps To Help You Get Unstuck

Recently, I was chatting with a new Instagram follower in my DMs, she told me that although she’s been alcohol-free for a while, she feels like she’s in limbo…a weird in-between of the life she used to know and the life she is creating.

She went on to explain that she’s feeling (mostly) in-the-groove with abstaining from alcohol, it’s just the “what’s next” that’s tripping her up….

• How do I get clear on what I want and what I’ve been wanting because other people told me I should?

• How can I get comfortable with experiencing the emotions and discomfort I’ve always turned to alcohol to numb before?

• How do I not brush off my dreams as silly, impossible, or too big?

• How do I know what action I should take toward my dreams? This all feels foreign.

• Do I need to completely blow up my life and start from scratch? That feels extreme.

Have you felt the same?

If so, you’re in the right place. As someone with over seven years experience navigating the world alcohol-free and leveraging my sobriety as a tool to step into my potential (and guiding others to do the same), I have developed some self-inquiry processes and tools to guide you through this messy middle.

First, let me reassure you, you don’t need to completely blow up your life as part of your alcohol-free journey. Yes, sometimes big changes are inevitable, but typically you can step into your potential through a series of small, inspired actions.

Second, although limbo sounds ominous, it isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Nah, being in transition is often a time to get curious, get clear, and take small steps.

Third, I want to remind you that there is no “timeline” for when you might reach this limbo step or how long you might spend there. There is no right or wrong way to go about the massive transformation that is available to you as you pursue your alcohol-free life. It may sound trite, but wherever you are now is perfect.

Now, let’s explore three easy actions you can take to navigate the limbo state of your alcohol-free journey.

Release Comparison and Judgment

One of the amazing things that’s happened in the past five or so years is a massive expansion in the sobriety movement which has led to an uptick in people sharing about their sobriety on social media, podcasts, blogs, books, etc. The obvious problem we often forget is that social media typically only highlights the extremes…

(Keep in mind as you read this that I specialize in supporting casual drinkers who don’t fully resonate with addiction and recovery approaches to sobriety).

…it’s the facebook group you joined for support and community only to be inundated with stories of rock bottom, relapse, and struggle. Although these spaces are often safe-havens for individuals in need, they can be distracting and disheartening to individuals who aren’t experiencing similar struggles. Large online spaces certainly have their value, and they can be distracting to those who don’t see their experience in the overall collective.

…this may also look like the sparkling Instagram profile of the individual who shares how sparkly and wonderful their alcohol-free lives are, conveniently omitting the inevitable strugglesome parts of their journeys.

The result you may be experiencing is comparing your journey to those you see online either thinking, I’m not that bad and wondering if your decision to pursue sobriety is too extreme. Or, wondering if you are doing something wrong because your life still isn’t that good.

It would be obvious enough for me to suggest you avoid comparing your journey to that of others you see on the internet, but I want to offer you a less philosophical and more practical solution: EDIT.

Inventory and edit who you’re following online and the online spaces you’re participating in frequently. If you find yourself following accounts that cause you to feel self-judgment, reconsider your involvement in that space for the time being.

With my clients, I would dive a step deeper here, but for now: If it doesn’t feel good or inspiring - it’s okay to bail.

Get Curious

So many of the highly capable, ambitious, get-shit-done-types of women I work with find themselves feeling frustrated when they land in the messy middle, limbo space.

If you’re someone who is always pushing forward, being in limbo and feeling unsure of where to go next can feel extremely uncomfortable. If you’re in this phase right now, curiosity is your friend, lean into it.

Before we go any further, please remember that being curious and only taking small actions will feel counterintuitive in a world where we’ve been taught to be productive.

One of my favorite ways to encourage my clients to practice curiosity is to invest tap into your inner child. I know, I know. You were hoping for something less…fluffy…go with me.

• Spend ten minutes reflecting on the activities you enjoyed doing as a child:

• What did your parents have to drag you away from?

• What could you spend hours doing?

• What did you enjoy learning or fantasizing about?

Now, brainstorm: How could you find an application of these activities that would work for you in adult life? For example, if you enjoyed reading as a child, the obvious answer would be to integrate more reading for pleasure (I will always advocate for this, by the way).

There will also be some hobbies that you can’t make direct adult correlations to. For instance, perhaps you loved gymnastics as a kid, but you don’t think your body is quite up to a back handspring…or even a cartwheel these days. Dive deeper, what did you love about gymnastics? Physical movement? Group atmosphere? Having the support of a coach or instructor? Could you think of an activity that meets similar criteria that you could test out?

The final step of the curiosity stage may be the most difficult: You must take action. You have to commit to integrating the activities you are curious about into your life in some way. This may present as a challenge for you overachievers who tend to fill their free time with activities you perceive as productive…but I believe in you. You can do this. You deserve to fill - at least some of your time - with things that delight and stimulate you.

As you get curious, you also have the opportunity to collect data (don’t skip on this). Take time to reflect on what felt exhilarating and what felt uncomfortable about the experiences you are having. This is valuable data that will guide you on your path.

Get Clear on Your Core Values

If you don’t know what you want to want…at least get clear on your values. Why? Understanding your values can be a tool for helping you evaluate what’s next (I teach this inside of my book, Unbottled Potential, by the way).

Once you are clear on your values (for now, at least…they’ll change over time), you’ll be able to decide what relationships and experiences align with your values and which don’t. For anyone who identifies as a people-pleaser (cough, cough; I see you), this can be an extremely powerful tool for setting boundaries with yourself and others.

If you’re already into your alcohol-free journey and you know you don’t need help abstaining, but are feeling like you’d benefit from support navigating the limbo state, I’d love to see if we’d be a good fit to work together - I’ve opened up some spaces on my calendar for quick 15-minute connection calls where you can share a bit more about where you’re feeling stuck and see if I might be able to support you. Go here to book a 15-minute connection call.