I Went To A Hip-Hop Music Festival (in Vegas) SOBER!
Last year I was minding my own business as a local coffee shop (read: actively eavesdropping) when I heard a guy nearby talking about a music festival he was heading to that weekend.
The lineup sounded insane: Usher, Ms. Lauryn Hill, Ciara, Ludacris, Ashanti, TLC. I quickly concluded that this guy was being scammed and definitely on his way to the next Fyre Festival. And yet, curiosity got the best of me. I turned to him and asked, “What festival are you talking about? It sounds epic.”
He revealed that he was on his way to Lovers & Friends Festival - a throwback festival featuring rare performances from iconic artists from the hip-hop and R&B world. As a Midwestern gal with a taste for hip-hop, I was practically salivating at the lineup. Although I wasn’t able to swing it on such short notice, I vowed that I’d attend the following year.
Well, I made good on my vow and have just returned from an absolutely mind-blowing trip to Vegas to attend the 2023 Lovers & Friends Festival. But here’s the catch, I quit drinking back in 2017 - so I attended this all-day event 100% free of any drugs or alcohol. This post is for you if you’ve ever:
Are curious how you’d survive high-energy, over-stimulating spaces, sober
Worried how you’d navigate a boozy event without alcohol
Wondered if you’d have massive FOMO by staying sober at a boozy event
Spoiler: Attending this event completely sober was an absolute delight.
A little background
I broke up with alcohol a little over six years ago because I didn’t like my relationship with alcohol. I spend my 20s as a stereotypical party girl and used alcohol to loosen my up during social situations and - sometimes - to numb uncomfortable emotions. I never had a physical dependency on drinking and didn’t tick the boxes for alcoholism. When I made the decision to quit drinking, it was because I wanted to. Well, realistically, it was because I wanted to live a better, more fulfilling, more centered life. I wanted to figure out how to do that and still imbibe. But, after months of attempting balance, I decided my balancing routine was more of a juggling act, and juggling felt exhausting.
As an alcohol-free woman, I’ve navigated a lot of circumstances a younger version of me would have considered impossible: Tropical vacations, destination weddings, regular weddings, bachelorette parties, first dates, concerts…you name it.
I’ve learned two vital truths throughout this journey:
If it’s not fun without alcohol, it’s probably just not fun (read this viral article for more). For a decade, I’d used alcohol to trick myself into thinking I enjoyed people, places, and experiences that are - from a sober perspective - kinda boring and unfulfilling.
I’m a deep feeler - a highly-sensitive person who is easily overstimulated and exhausted. I’d been using alcohol to desensitize myself to overstimulating environments and keep me going when my body and mind were tired (read this viral article for more).
All this to say: I knew that going to an all-day festival that celebrated hip-hop culture was likely going to be a test of my will. I knew I wouldn’t be tempted to drink. What I didn’t know is how I’d rally in an environment where people were guaranteed to be imbibing in all sorts of substances.
The festival was a whopping 12-hour experience held on the Las Vegas fairgrounds. I knew it would be a long day and a large crowd. Here’s my breakdown of how I prepared for and experienced the event sans alcohol.
Surviving Stimulating Spaces Sober
As a highly-sensitive person, I knew I had to do a little extra self-care and preparation in order to set myself up for success at this event. From past experiences, I knew that without alcohol slightly dulling my senses, I was likely to run out of steam quickly. With amazing acts going from 11 AM to midnight, running out of steam was not an option.
Here are a few of the ways I optimized for staying strong in a highly-stimulating environment.
I dressed comfortably. This might sound like a no-brainer, but when it comes to music festivals, there is a certain expectation to dress the part. I went out of my way to ensure I had a fun, festive outfit that was also comfortable and transitional throughout the day.
I packed with purpose. I purchased the largest approved bag to carry around at the event and I threw down a little extra cash to rent a small locker in the VIP space (which is where I stowed extra items I didn’t need on me such as a jacket, random supplies, and any merch that we bought while there. In addition to some typical festival supplies, I also ordered and packed a set of noise-filtering headphones from Loop. These headphones are specifically designed for sensitive folks to wear at concerts and festivals. Full disclosure: The sound distribution at L&F was great so I never felt like I needed my headphones, but I’m glad that I had them with me.
I energetically prepared. This is a pro-move that I have sometimes skipped and regretted before big events. For me, energetic prep is key and has saved me many times. My energetic preparation includes spiritual practices such as prayer, meditation, visualization, and breathwork. Energetic prep can take as little as 3-5 minutes. My prep for the event was a short prayer and centering to ask my angels and guides for support and positive energy throughout the day.
I gave myself permission to take a break. To be honest, this was really difficult. There wasn’t a moment of the day when there wasn’t a show playing that I wanted to see. However, with longevity as my goal, I knew that taking some time out to rest and recenter would be important. So, when my allergies came in full force, I gave myself permission to sit out a set in the shade and this was one of my saving graces of the day.
I went VIP. When I decided I was going to L&F, I knew with certainty that I wouldn’t be able to attend if I didn’t go VIP. This might sound bougie, but for someone highly sensitive, I knew I needed the additional conveniences VIP provided (extra shade, cooling stations, luxe bathrooms, watering stations, etc).
Navigating a Boozy Event Without Alcohol
Let’s be honest, hip-hop culture isn’t known for being reserved when it comes to partying. Many of the artists I’d be hearing from actively promoted lavish lifestyles that included drinking, smoking, and other indulgences.
Even though I no longer drink and “party” like that, these songs and this lifestyle held a certain level of nostalgia. I’d spent my teens and 20s coveting these artists and the lifestyles they promoted.
I knew there would be various levels of indulging at an event like this. And, while I wasn’t afraid of temptation, I wondered how I’d fare if everyone around me was obviously intoxicated. In my experience, it’s been difficult to tolerate large crowds full of people whose social cues are stifled by drugs and alcohol. While I have no judgment towards others’ lifestyle choices (I’m under no illusion that a sober lifestyle is for everyone), it does get old being the “only” sober person in a room.
During my pre-event prep (as described above) I always ask for support in helping me stay centered when surrounded by others who may be on another level.
I’ve got to tell you: L&F was actually a really easy place to be sober.
First, there were tons of alcohol-free options including free water refill stations (I brought my own approved water bottle), and tons of non-alcoholic options (fresh coconuts, Liquid Death water, and a variety of bougie lemonades).
Next, the crowds were so large, I hardly noticed who was drinking and who wasn’t. It wasn’t until later in the night when the stages got more crowded that I had to deal with a few tipsy people running into me or stumbling around.
Honestly, I have to wonder if people thought I was under the influence. I was having such a great time dancing and singing along that a naive onlooker could have easily assumed I was partaking! In fact, sometimes being around other people who are drinking makes me feel less self-conscious because I know that they could care less what I’m doing.
I can only describe my L&F persona as a “feral college girl” and I’m quite certain that far more people were annoyed with me screaming rap lyrics at the top of my lungs than I was annoyed with them!
Sober FOMO at a Boozy Event
A lot of people tell me they feel like alcohol (or other extracurriculars) “elevate” or “enhance” experiences like concerts or festivals. Some people worry they’ll have FOMO when they see others partaking and vibing in this perceived elevated or enhanced state.
I have to tell you, I’ve never been more sure in my life that the people imbibing are actually the ones missing out. Let me explain.
I’ve waited decades to see some of these artists perform live. I’ve spent countless hours packed into sweaty clubs, drunkenly swaying and bopping to these songs. Most of these artists rarely perform these days and I had the opportunity to see them all in one day.
There was absolutely nothing that could have elevated or enhanced my experience. In fact, I’m absolutely certain that alcohol or drugs would have pulled me out of the experience and kept me from being present during some truly amazing and profound moments.
Case in point: The 90s R&B queen, Mariah Carey performed late in the evening. During her performance, she arranged for BoyzIIMen to join her onstage to perform their hit One Sweet Day. Now, IYKYK: this song is legendary. Aside from being a beautiful song, I have to acknowledge that Mariah and BoyzIIMen haven’t performed this song together in over 20 years. Who knows when or if they’ll perform it again? And I, me, Amanda Kuda, a simple gal from Missouri was one of the few people who got to see it?!?!
Are you kidding me? This moment was nearly transcendental. As they performed, I looked around and noticed a few people around me swaying drunkenly and thinking to myself, “I am so grateful that I am fully here for this moment. I want to remember this forever.” And I will.
In other words, I would have actually missed out if I had been drinking. If my six years of living alcohol-free were merely training for this one day, I’d have to say it was well worth it.
///
All-in-all, Lovers & Friends Fest was an absolute blast. It was a core memory unlocked. It was a nostalgic, if not healing, experience for my inner adolescent. If you have the opportunity to go, I highly recommend it.
Most importantly, if you’ve been worried about how to navigate an event like a concert or a festival sans alcohol and substance, I hope this article provided you with some powerful insights.
If you want to dive deeper, follow me on Instagram or TikTok, listen to my podcast, or join my free 5-day video series: Awakened without Alcohol.