Tawny Lara on Sober Sex, Dating & Sexuality

Are you allowing yourself to expand what pleasure means to you? In this episode, Tawny Lara shares the importance of intersectionality when it comes to sexuality and sobriety, and encourages you to be your own advocates for personal growth. She delves into her experiences with dating and sex after quitting drinking and highlights the value of self-discovery. Tawny explains why she believes that alcohol makes sex numbing instead of empowering, and breaks down great resources to explore your sexuality in more depth. Tune in and meet yourself in a whole new light!

Tawny Lara is an NYC-based millennial also known as The Sober Sexpert. She's writing a book called Dry Humping: a Guide to Booze-Free Sex, Dating, and Relationships (Quirk, Summer 2023). Her work is featured in Playboy, Men’s Health, Huffington Post, and two essay collections: Sex and the Single Woman (Harper Perennial 2022) and The Addiction Diaries (LaunchPad 2020). She's also the co-host of the Recovery Rocks podcast and story developer for the Webby-award-winning podcast, F*cking Sober.

Key Highlights:

[00:01 - 08:11] Opening Segment

• Tawny's background in sobriety, sober sex, and dating

• When Tawny decided to stop drinking

• Her desire to focus on her writing career and connect with new people outside of the bar scene

[08:12 - 15:31] How to Date Yourself When You Quit Drinking

• How Tawny got sober and how it was a journey of self-discovery

• Why it is essential to date yourself and explore your sexuality while sober

• Why you should stay away from alcohol and dating during the first year of sobriety

[15:32 - 22:50] Alcohol Is Actually a Detriment to Sex

• Spending time alone figuring out your sexuality is crucial

• Alcohol makes sex less pleasurable and numbs senses

• There are many ways to learn about sexuality and connect with others without alcohol

• Self-research, attending classes, and networking

[22:51 - 31:00] Sober Sex, Dating & Sexuality

• Check out Acts of Service by Lillian Fishman

• Tawny's experiences exploring sexuality as a sober woman

• How Tawny found courage in bisexuality

[31:01 - 38:41] Pleasure Doesn't Have to Mean Sex

• How pleasure can mean different things for different people

• There are many places where you can find resources on sex and dating

• It is important to have fun when having sex

• Tawny's insights about using sex toys

[38:42 - 46:39] How to Expand Your Sexual horizons

• Getting sober and connecting with your mental health helps you explore sex & sexuality differently

• You're capable of more than you thought possible

Want to connect with Tawny? Follow her on Instagram & TikTok. Visit her website to learn more about sobriety, sex, and rock n roll!

Key Quotes:

"You don't have to hit rock bottom to decide to stop drinking." - Tawny Lara

"The most important part of dating and sobriety is taking time to date yourself and get to know who you are." - Tawny Lara

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