Are You A Deep Feeler?
Find out and learn how it affects your relationship with alcohol
Could you be a deep feeler? As the label suggests, deep feelers are individuals who experience emotions on a deep, intense level. If you’re reading this and thinking, “Yeah, that’s me,” stay with me because I want to introduce you to a few unique types of deep feelers and share how being a deep feeler might have an effect on your relationship with alcohol (past or present).
As a coach who works with women who want to explore elective sobriety, I work with a lot of women who I would describe as “deep feelers”. I find deep feelers misuse alcohol as a way to blur the edges of their intense emotions, and it’s no wonder why.
Most deep feelers don’t come to identify as such until adulthood. Why? Well, most parents (as well-intended as they are) don’t know how to identify deep feelers nor are they equipped to properly nurture deep feeler children and teach them the unique coping mechanisms they need to manage and utilize their energetic sensitivity.
When sent into the proverbial wild as adolescents, many deep feelers discover the magical elixir that is alcohol. Without realizing why they become attracted to alcohol as an anesthetic that dulls the magnitude of their sensitivities allowing them to get along in social and life situations that may have felt particularly overwhelming or intimidating before.
While many people discover and start consuming alcohol during adolescence, the distinction is that deep feelers consume alcohol not only so they feel like they fit in with others, but more specifically so they don’t feel like they stand out.
Ultimately, a deep feeler's energetic sensitivity is their superpower, they just need to be taught to recognize, embrace, and manage their gift. Keep reading, I’ll teach you about the different types of deep feelers. If you fit the bill, I’ll also share some tangible steps you can take to manage your gift and better understand how it affects your relationship with alcohol.
While reading, keep in mind that identifying with the terms below is not a medical diagnosis. It is also likely you identify with one or more of the deep feeler categories below. The intention of this article is to help you identify unique and powerful energetic gifts you may have considered inconvenient before.
I find learning about your sensitivities can come with an air of relief & help individuals make sense of characteristics that have made them feel different or other-than throughout their life.
The normative cultural narrative rarely provides the tools and knowledge to identify with these different types of deep feelers, so let’s arm you with the knowledge you may have been missing...shall we?
Empaths
Empaths are deeply empathetic individuals, meaning they are easily impacted by the feelings of those around them. If you’ve always had an ability to sense the emotions or physical symptoms of others, you may be an empath.
Some people say that empaths “absorb” the energy and feelings of others as though they are energetic sponges. I like to think of it more as a unique ability to tune into and match the energetic frequency of others. Yet, this “tuning” is often done on accident and can leave an empath feeling drained after interactions with others.
Signs you are an empath
1. You are introverted
Often, empaths become overwhelmed when in large groups of people. You likely prefer one-to-one and small-group interactions. Empaths may use alcohol to extrovert themselves in group environments (often convincing themselves that they actually are extroverted). Alcohol can “help” empaths dull emotions so that they can tolerate environments that would otherwise have drained them very quickly.
2. You are easily impacted by television and other media.
Perhaps tears come quickly and easily when you watch a movie, or you may experience the emotion behind the subject of a photograph. In these instances, moments on screen and in print have a big effect on how you feel.
The drama of reality television can often be appealing to empaths while drinking, but alcohol-free empaths might find they become anxious watching high-drama television.
3. You match other people’s emotions
Being in tune with what other people are experiencing, both good and bad, is a sign you are an empath. You may feel ambient emotions around you as if they were your own and become exhausted emotionally and even physically.
4. You are highly intuitive
Are you led by your own gut feelings about people? Empaths often listen to their inner thoughts when it comes to judging people, helping to spot positive relationships that help them feel their best.
Empaths who drink alcohol are typically slightly out-of-touch with their intuitive nature, making them take on friendships and situations that don’t actually feel good.
5. You are a people pleaser
Because you can sense what other people need emotionally, you may be prone to abandoning your own needs in favor of pleasing others. This can feel good, initially, because you are temporarily appeasing another. But in the long run, people-pleasing will drain empaths emotionally and physically.
When it comes to alcohol, empaths feel extra anxiety around abstaining because they can often sense that their choice makes others uncomfortable. Empaths frequently feel anxious refusing drinks from a host or explaining to others why they aren’t drinking.
(Adapted from: Jessica DuBois-Maahs “What is an Empath.” Talk Space blog, 11 May. 2019, https://www.talkspace.com/blog/what-is-an-empath/ )
Highly Sensitive Persons
Have you ever heard of the trait of high sensitivity? Dr. Elaine Aron, known authority on highly sensitive individuals, says about 20% of people are born with it. It’s completely normal. Basically it’s just a preference to process one’s experiences more deeply and think about things more than other people do.
According to Dr. Aron, HSPs also notice things others miss, and have stronger emotional reactions, both positive and negative. Noticing so much, feeling so much, and thinking about everything so much naturally means that they also get more easily overwhelmed so that they need more downtime and are more bothered by things like noise or having too much to do at once.
Sound familiar? I suggest you take Dr. Aron’s self-test to learn more.
In my experience as a coach, women who identify as HSPs frequently describe using alcohol to get out of their own heads or to blur the edges of anxious feelings (although Dr. Aron notes that high sensitivity is not the same as anxiety).
Intuitives
We are all intuitive beings, but some individuals experience intuitive gifts on a higher level. We can all practice tapping further into our intuition, our innate sense of knowing that guides us to follow a “sense” we have, rather than react from rational thought.
However, there are individuals who have heightened intuitive gifts. Because these gifts can be viewed as woo-woo, weird or witchy in popular society, intuitives frequently disown or disassociate from their gifts because they are made to feel different or wrong by parents or peers.
Yet, because intuitive gifts are innate, it’s often difficult to shut them off completely. Thus, intuitives are known to use alcohol to loosen their inhibitions so that they feel less self-conscious about their intuitive gifts.
Some women I’ve worked with have said alcohol detaches them from their intuitive gifts while others have told me it dulls their inhibition just enough that they are willing to display their gifts more prominently (like a party trick).
Either way, all of my intuitive clients who have in some way disowned or disassociated their intuitive gifts share that becoming alcohol-free has helped them see their gifts as such (rather than as a burden). Being alcohol-free can help intuitive individuals tap fully into their gifts and actually learn to manage them.
Here are a few types of intuitive gifts and their descriptions…
Clairaudience
Clairaudient messages sound like someone talking in my mind. This voice will never be harsh or tormenting (unlike voices that people who have certain psychological conditions, severe hormone imbalances, or vitamin and mineral deficiencies can hear). The tone of this voice is almost always the same: even and calm.
Clairvoyance
Some people use the term "clairvoyant" as if it were synonymous with "psychic," but really clairvoyance is just one of the four clairs a psychic uses.
Clairvoyant messages, which arrive as an image or scene in my mind, usually come as a metaphor. If the client is overwhelmed I might see them drowning or carrying some large bundle on their back.
Clairsentience
Clairsentient messages come through as a feeling, and clairsentience is the most common of the four clairs.
Gut instincts, being able to read the emotions of others, or sensing the collective energy of a room all fall under this umbrella.
Claircognizance
Claircognizance is when our brains get an immediate download from our intuition, just like when you download a large amount of information into your computer's hard drive. Although when it happens to a human brain, the download occurs within a few seconds. No waiting patiently for a large file to load—your intuition has a great connection!
(Adapted from: Tanya Carroll Richardson “A Professional Psychic On How To Develop The 4 'Clairs' Of Intuition” Mind Body Green blog, 2 March 2021, https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/the-4-types-of-intuition-and-how-to-tap-into-each)
Starseeds
One of my favorite spiritual teachers, Rebecca Campbell says this about Starseeds,
I believe that a Starseed is someone who knows that they are a multidimensional being and that there is more to life than we see here on Earth.
A multidimensional being is someone who knows that they are made up of more than just mind and body. Some people come in with this knowing, the seed of remembering within them already active. Others awaken to it.
I believe that many Starseeds have heard the call to play their part in the great dance of Life and have chosen to be here at this time in history. The seed within them has been activated.
A Starseed knows their place in the Universe and sees this life as but a moment in their soul’s journey.
They recognize that they’re an ever‑changing, eternal being and part of a great cosmic dance.
They understand that they’re connected to the plants and the stones, just as they’re connected to the Sun, the stars, the planets, and the Moon.
Those who identify as starseeds might have the most difficult relationships with alcohol as they’ve spent their lives struggling to determine why they feel so different from others. They may have worked diligently to dilute this sense of difference so that they can get along in a world which appears to be superficial and asleep to them.
Because the Starseed identification is the most mystical of all deep feeler distinctions, many who might identify as Starseeds are just now being exposed to the concept. Starseeds often feel the call to explore sobriety intensely, but because they don’t quite understand why they may find it difficult to abandon a substance that has allowed them to “fit in” with their peers. However, Starseeds also describe sobriety as a gateway to fully embracing their authentic identity.
So you’re a deep feeler, what now?
If you identified with one or more of the deep feeler identity types listed above, you might find yourself breathing a sigh of relief. If you’re like I once was, you probably feel lighter knowing that you’re not crazy for feeling deeply and perceiving the world in a way that has always felt different from what your contemporaries experience.
If this is your first introduction to and identification with these deep feeler personality types, I encourage you to take a moment and let the feelings you’re experiencing sink in. Revel in the fact that you are not alone, or weird, or different. Rather, you are magical. Your deep feeler nature can become a superpower by which you navigate the world. Your ability to feel deeply, when managed well, can add value to your work and relationships. It can become a powerful lens through which you view the world.
But harnessing your deep feeler superpower will first require a good deal of unlearning. You’ll have to unlearn suboptimal ways of thinking and being that you’ve been taught by non-deep-feeler types.
One of the first unlearnings you may have to make (or may already be in the process of making) is what you’ve learned about alcohol.
Deep Feelers and Alcohol
It is common for deep feelers to get into a complicated relationship with alcohol. While this may not equate to “having a problem” or addiction, deep feelers often depend on alcohol to help them get along in a world where they feel fundamentally different from those around them.
But, because deep feelers are created to be unique beings, diluting their gifts with alcohol may begin to feel tremendously uncomfortable. You may have begun to experience this feeling. It’s a small inner whispering that you are meant for something more than what you are experiencing in life. It’s a subtle confirmation that you are different and that trying to quiet your uniqueness is actually abandoning your soul.
Ultimately, when you abandon your true nature in this way, tremendous discomfort is inevitable. It will feel like you are always dressed in a pair of jeans that no longer fit. In this sense, there is no amount of alcohol you can do to dilute the calling to step into your authentic self. The more you ignore the whisper, the more likely it is to become a very loud roar.
If this sounds or feels familiar, perhaps you have already become curious about going alcohol-free. Maybe you have dabbled with moderation or gone on extended stints of sobriety. Perhaps you are practicing abstinence right now.
Whatever the case, I want to encourage you to listen to the voice that has suggested alcohol is no longer serving you. From my work as a coach (and my own experience as a deep feeler who has chosen an alcohol-free lifestyle) I know that if, given enough distance from alcohol and the right tools to understand your gifts and navigate the world at large, you will unlock a sense of freedom that you might have never imagined.
While you can absolutely take a self-guided break from alcohol, I highly recommend you enlist the support of a coach who can help to educate you on your journey.
Tapping Into Your Gifts
Being alcohol-free will allow you the opportunity to tap into your energetic gifts clearly and consistently. As you grow this connection, it is imperative that you begin to take on practices to help you understand and manage your gifts.
Researching to help you better understand your gifts
Establishing boundaries to help you avoid situations that may challenge you as you’re learning to embrace your superpowers
Creating grounding routines like meditation, journaling, spiritual practice, and purposeful time in nature to center.
Calling in friendships with other deep feelers to create a sense of community
Enlisting the support of coaches, teachers, and mentors.
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If you’ve identified with what I share in this article, I’ve included a list of up-to-date resources to support you below.