How To Tell People You're Not Drinking
…Without Making It Awkward
This past weekend my sister-in-law invited me up to Dallas to go to an event with her, my brother and a couple they are friends with. The event was held at an outdoor venue surrounded by multiple food and alcohol vendors to choose from.
As we approached the bar, my SIL's friend, Kelsey, asked the question, “So Amanda, what do you do for a living?”
Now, if you've ever felt weird about telling someone you don't drink, just imagine what it's like to tell someone not only that you don't drink but you support women who want to practice elective sobriety…as you're approaching a bar.
I used to feel like a major buzzkill answering this question at social events. Today, I just say, “First, don't let this change the vibe, but I'm actually a coach for women who want to live an alcohol-free lifestyle.”
[The bar had an entire “Sober Curious” section - WIN!]
Here's the lesson: If I can tell people that I teach people to stop drinking while they're ordering a drink at the bar…YOU can tell someone you're not drinking.
But, I get it, sometimes it doesn't feel that easy. I've had several of my clients reach out to ask how to share this information in various situations, so I thought I'd drop my top three talking points here for you today:
Listen to the question…and answer the question. Most of my clients get tripped up on the most simple question, “Would you like a drink?” Guess what? This question is not pressing you for any details, it's asking for an order. You can say, “Yes, I'd like a sparkling water for now.” or “Actually, I'm good.” No history or confessions required.
If you do need to offer more details, keep it simple. Share a broad timeframe for your abstinence and an inarguable reason.
Time frame could be “right now” or “through the summer” or “for the next three months”.
The inarguable reason should be something personal, “I just didn't like the way it made me feel” or "I'm working on [something important] right now and alcohol wasn't helping me out].
Keep it light. Deliver your message with an upbeat tone; avoid shrugging off your commitment to yourself as silly or a burden; you are a rockstar.
Talking about your lifestyle doesn't need to be a long sordid tale; keep it short, honest and sweet. I prefer to avoid self-deprecation or simple outs (like “I'm driving tonight”). If someone argues or tries to persuade you to change your mind, remember they're doing so out of their own discomfort or immaturity. Make a mental note that this might not be the best person to spend time with right now as they may lack the awareness to support you.
PS: Although I give new acquaintances the short version of what I do, I wanted to clarify with you that my 1:1 coaching and programs have full-spectrum holistic wellness focus where I help you identify the areas in your life where your growth has been stunted due to your relationship with alcohol, work on building self-confidence, and create new routines and accountability to propel you towards your deepest dreams.
PPS: My fall 1:1 coaching (0-90 days alcohol-free) and mentoring (90+ days alcohol-free) schedule is almost full. If you've been curious about working with me 1:1, I recommend getting a spot on my calendar for a clarity call or responding to this email with questions.
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