Sex, Sexuality & Sobriety
This past week, there's been a clear theme brewing in my world…
…One mentoring client wanted to learn more about embracing sexuality and sensuality
…A coaching client is exploring healing in her romantic and sexual relationships
…A potential client shared on a clarity call that she is unsure of her sexuality
Then, over the weekend, I attended a panel on sex and the message from the Universe was clear - it's time to give you the sober sex talk.
If you're like me, you've used alcohol to be a sexual lubricant in the past (or maybe it's still serving that purpose right now). Let's be clear: Sex (be it solo or with a partner) is about connection…and it's really, REALLY difficult to truly connect when ingesting a substance that - by its very nature - DISconnects us from ourselves and others. Ya feel me?
Alcohol does us so many disservices when it comes to sex and sensuality:
It dehydrates you…hopefully, I don't need to explain why this might be a problem
It dulls your sensitivity…again, you can see where this is problematic
It disconnects us from our own body
It creates false vulnerability, meaning we're actually less connected to our partner
It lowers our inhibitions which means we might end up saying “yes” when our body is actually a “no”
I could go on, but you get the gist…even if you've felt like alcohol is the magic elixir you need to feel ready for sexy time, it's ultimately doing what it does best: stunting your growth.
When we've spent ages stunting our growth, it can feel really intimidating to perform without the crutch we've been using to get by…this can feel particularly scary with something as intimate and vulnerable as sex.
So, if you've been feeling a little apprehensive about exploring sexuality and sensuality alcohol-free, let me offer some ideas on where you might begin:
Self pleasure: If you don't know what you want/like, how can you expect a partner to know what you want/like? Being vulnerable and intimate with yourself can also help you to feel comfortable entering those spaces with a partner.
Study: Guess what? The sex ed talk you received in Jr. High was probably far from what you need to truly understand the nuances of sex. I have an Amazon list with books on Love, Sex & Self you can check out here. I'd highly recommend you begin with the book Pussy by Regena Thomashauer (get it on audible).
Talk with your partner (if you have one). If you're not super comfortable starting intimate conversations, enlist the help of a question card deck (there's one linked in the Amazon list I shared above, but I also dig this one by Mark Groves).
Practice…I'm told it makes perfect! BUT, this isn't about being perfect, because sex is never intended to be that…just practice, learn, and have fun! Sex is so much more fulfilling and freeing when you are able to be totally present.
Ok, are you blushing yet? I hope not, because this is important stuff! Did you find this helpful? Do you still have more questions about sex, love & self? You know the drill, just hit “reply” and let me know how I can help and I'll work to create some content around your questions!
Oh, btw, did you know that sex, relationships, emotional resilience, spiritual connection, and professional growth are all things I help my clients with? It's true…my goal as a coach is to help you gain strength in the areas where you've been using alcohol to supplement for a lack of skills or confidence. Why? Because if we don't get you up-to-speed in these areas, it's likely that you'll return to alcohol when shit gets tough. Therefore, my goal as a coach is to resource you in your weakest areas so that you can feel confident getting along without alcohol…pretty cool, huh? If you've been wanting to work with me, my private coaching schedule is almost full for the fall - I'd recommend grabbing a spot for a clarity call if you're interested in my coaching or mentoring program so that we can see if we'd be a good fit to work together.
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