A few things you’ve got wrong about taking a break from booze + some good news.

You read the title: Giving up alcohol for Dry January isn’t an accomplishment. I know, because I did it. Two years ago, I decided I couldn’t keep living the, work hard / play hard, mimosas made me do it, 5 o'clock somewhere, party-girl lifestyle I’d kept up for most of my 20s. It was becoming exhausting, mundane, boring, and I could sense that the lifestyle was the single most concrete habit interfering with having the career, relationships, and fulfillment in life that I deserved.

…And Three Tough Questions I Had To Ask Myself

My name is Amanda. I’m a single, social, thirty-something living in Austin, TX. I’m also alcohol-free. I describe my journey as “spontaneous sobriety” because I didn’t identify as having a “drinking problem” (though, as you’ll read, that doesn’t mean my drinking wasn’t a problem).

A former social drinker (read: party girl), I’ve candidly discussed my alcohol-free lifestyle quite a bit over the last few years. What I haven’t shared in detail is how much I struggled as social or “gray area” drinker.

In my last post, I wrote about how saying “no” to others is really saying “yes” to ourselves. But knowing when to say “no” and knowing how to say it are difficult - especially when someone puts you on the spot or is relentless in their request. Saying “no” in these situations can make us feel uncomfortable, uncaring, disinterested. But “no” is really none of those things; it’s simply a boundary we set that says, “this isn’t for me”. Personally, I find that practicing how to best say “no” is a valuable way to prepare me to do it gracefully when needed. I feel like I’ve finessed this process during my 9-5 and am able to confidently and kindly decline sales calls and offers kindly (even when they're rather persistent)...but I realized recently that I hadn't fully transferred this skill over to my personal life. When I thought about it, the tactics I use to say "no" in my professional life translate rather well to personal situations as well. Here are my best tips for helping yourself to say “no” gracefully:

My name is Amanda and I am a recovering people pleaser“yes” person, and be everywhere / do everything gal. Saying “no” makes me feel kind of uncomfortable. Case in point: I recently made the conscious choice to say “no” to a seemingly simple request. Saying “yes” would have been the easy, people-pleaser thing to do, but I’ve been working really hard to become protective of my time and, based on my own criteria, the request was a “no”.

Since I’m (always) being honest, I’ll admit that I didn’t handle the “no” very gracefully...I felt compelled to explain myself and when the other person wouldn’t take “no” for an answer... I snapped (eek). Losing my cool is a sure sign that I have some reflection to do (I know, I know; we’re all human, but I am human who has gotten freaking good at self-reflection and unpacking things that disrupt my good vibes).

When I started to feel like drinking culture was no longer serving me a few years ago, I was admittedly resistant about being “sober” because of the social stigma I held around the label. I didn’t want to be “sober” because I didn’t want to have a “problem”. As it turns out, you don’t have to have an addiction-level “problem” with alcohol for it to be a “problem” in your life.

It’s officially summer, which means many of us are planning an adventure or relaxing getaway. Vacations are traditionally a time to cut loose, relax or explore new places and experience a new culture. For most people, this means gluttonous eating and drinking. I gave up the latter almost 18 months ago and have navigated the waters of sober vacationing many times since - and always with a travel companion (or companions) who were decidedly not sober.

Whether you’re newly alcohol-free, working through recovery, or just trying to be more mindful - getting outside of your normal routine can be a test of your commitment to sobriety. You are surrounded by messages that suggest you deserve a drink to relax or that you need to have a cocktail to be normal. Here are my tops for rocking a group vacation when you are (the only one) not drinking.

I found myself holding space recently for a friend who was going through a confusing time in a romantic relationship which she felt might be coming to an end. I felt deep compassion for her because I’d been where she was; sitting in a gray area of uncertainty and anxiety…

What I wished for my friend (and what I wish for anyone going through a similar situation) is that she would come to know these four important truths about relationships:

How to make the most of the single life & prepare yourself for the relationship you want. 

I can attest that as I've become more intentional with how I spend my time as a single gal, I've become more understanding and aware of why this time exists. To say I'm grateful would be an understatement. My singleness has provided me with tremendous opportunities for personal growth; I've accepted them all as graciously as possible. I know, with certainty that this time has made me a stronger individual and prepared me to be more present in all areas of life; especially to be a better partner. As a result, I know I have a lot to give and will add value to all relationships - romantic or not - and I seek for the same in others.

...And Why I Wonder If They’re Changing Modern Dating For the Worst

Last week, I deleted all dating apps off of my phone...this isn’t the first time. It isn’t that I’m not interested in dating or finding “the one,” I simply couldn’t commit to the dating lifestyle that I felt dating apps encourage or the energy-investment they required. I’ll begin by saying, I think I have one of the most optimistic outlooks on life out of anyone you might meet. For the most part, I approach life from a glass half full, sunshine and rainbows, anything is possible, the Universe is working in your favor point of view. But, I’ve also committed to cutting out or minimizing behaviors, habits, and relationships that don’t contribute to the positive-energy, high-vibe, mindful lifestyle I strive to live.

...The Hidden Answer That Actually Surprised Me

Today I received an email from a reader who resonated with my decision to quit drinking (if you’re new here, I stopped drinking back in January of 2017 as an experiment and decided to make it a new way of living. As of today, I’ve been alcohol-free for 463 days...but who's counting? Read more posts on this topic here.). The reader closed their email with this pondering, “Why did I ever drink in the first place?”

Hopefully this is no surprise to you, but our bodies are full of energy. Whether you’re familiar with chi, chakras, auras, meridians, or some other “life force” energy; the common consensus is that this energy flows through all beings in order to maintain health and wellness in mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual capacities.

Just as we have our own energy, we exchange energy with one another when we engage in relationships.

Today is the day - my 365th consecutive day without a single drop of alcohol. No cheat days, no “tastes,” nothing. I’ve written a lot about being sober. A LOT. In fact, if you’ve milled around my blog much, you’d probably think that it was a blog about sobriety, or being in recovery, but it’s not. When I started this blog, the intention was to share my own path to finding a more meaningful life - a life where I felt deeply connected to myself, spirit, and those around me; a life where I allow myself to shine and encourage others to do the same.

I can say, with certainty, that I lived my best life in the last year. I can also say, with full clarity, that the single most important step I took to realize that life was cutting out alcohol. Without the presence of booze I have been healthier, happier, more productive, a better friend, and a stronger person. Have I always hit the mark? No, absolutely not. I’ve had bad days and lazy days and days where I said or did the “wrong” thing. I’ve had days where I was selfish, judgmental, or rude to others. I’ve had days where I was sad, lonely, unsure, or anxious. The beauty is, I found that I was able to bounce back to a space of peace, clarity, and happiness much more quickly without the presence of alcohol.

Sober vacation. Precisely the phrase I Googled as I packed my bags for a seven day trip to Mexico and Cuba. At 31, this was not only my first international trip, but also my first bona fide adult vacation...and I planned to do it sober. So, there I was, turning to Google to confirm my decision and make a gameplan (totally normal, right?). Here are the top five drinking myths I had to debunk before embarking on my sober vacation:

I just returned from a three-day vacation in Havana, Cuba...and I did it all stone-cold-sober. Most people thought I was crazy to travel to a city known for their amazing rum and not have a single sip of their famous nectar, but I did it and it and it was an absolutely wonderful trip. For those wondering if Havana is a practical sober vacation, I can assure you: it is. Here are my pro tips for navigating the city of rum, alcohol free including my sober strategy as well as the spots I hit up while exploring there.

I you read my recent post about my experience with Dry January, you'll know that I've opted to go at least 90 days into 2017 without drinking. When I set the challenge for myself, I knew full well that this would mean no drinks on my birthday. Though the idea was scary at first (and many thought I might cheat), I embraced the challenge and new way of being and prepared to celebrate my first sober birthday in over a decade. Here is how it turned out:

My unhealthy relationship with alcohol began over a decade ago. I started drinking my senior year of high school. I had actually been afraid to start drinking, but my fear of not fitting in was much larger. When I realized there were parties and sleepovers going on that I wasn’t being invited to, I quickly began to see alcohol as a social tool.

If you’ve meandered through my blog much, you’ve probably picked up on the fact that I’m a big admirer of Gabby Bernstein and her work. So, when she announced her 2016 Summer Retreat, A Way Through Every Block, I was among the first Spirit Junkies to register. This three-day event took place at the end of July at the beautiful Kripalu Center in Stockbridge, Massachusetts.