Do You Mind If I Drink?

How I Feel About Being Around Drinkers As An Alcohol-Free Advocate

If you’re currently alcohol-free or on the path of sober curiosity, you’re bound to have others inquire as to how you feel about being around other people who are drinking. While I encourage you to form your own opinions and feelings on the topic, I wanted to share my perspective because it’s evolved quite a bit during my time as a non-drinker).

Here’s the short version: I don’t mind if other people drink around me. I’m not a prohibitionist and I’m not at all triggered by alcohol (I gave it up by choice and truly no longer desire it). I’m genuinely not bothered if people are drinking around me. I hold no judgment towards those who drink, but my opinion now has more layers than that. I have a more sophisticated narrative of thoughts that run through my head depending on the type of drinkers and scenes I’m around. Let me break down the most common types of drinkers I find myself around and how each makes me feel:

Boozy Social Drinkers

This is not my jam. Boozy social gatherings are no longer satisfying to me...they feel mundane and shallow. I limit my appearances to these types of scenes to special occasions when I know my presence is truly appreciated by someone (birthdays or weddings). I typically arrive early and leave early in an attempt to maximize my time with people before the scene gets out of control. I crave deeper, more intimate connections with friends and would rather sit down to enjoy a coffee or meal than try to catch up and make small-talk in a crowded, loud space. This type of drinker typically has given little thought to the idea that their lives may be better without alcohol. They tend to be very focused on the material or the here-and-now. These people can evolve into one of the other below categories over time.

Casual, Very Rarely Drink, Drinkers

I’m meeting more and more casual drinkers these days as I generally surround myself with more health-conscious individuals. These folks have typically always been fairly moderate, take-it-or-leave-it types. I much prefer spending time with people who only drink lightly, yet I still struggle with how I feel about their choice to imbibe...even if it’s only every now and then.

Here’s the thing: There is not safe or healthy level at which to consume alcohol. I find that most casual drinkers justify their every-now-and-then indulgence with the mentality that “balance” is a positive choice. However, the more I learn about alcohol and its effects, I understand just how damaging even occasional drinking can be. Now, I’m no doctor or esteemed researcher, but what I do know is that most of the popular articles we’ve read conveniently omit the scientific research that shows how alcohol negatively impacts the nervous system and vital organs...even if you only have a few every now and then...even if you don’t feel “hungover”. In reality, just an occasional drink can significantly impact your ability to think clearly and fully process emotions. The major misconception among this group is that these negative effects subside after the “tipsy” feeling wears off. They don’t.

Essentially, casual drinkers are introducing just enough alcohol into their system to mess with what would otherwise be a really brilliantly operating system. While I have much less mental struggle with this lifestyle, I sometimes find myself wondering, “What’s the point?”

The Hackers

I particularly struggle with the health-conscious individuals who try to “hack” their hangover by taking supplements or using techniques to help them process alcohol better/faster or share “better-for-you” versions of drinks. To me, this is irresponsible. Based on my learnings, there is no way to make alcohol “better for you.” At the end of the day, your liver and other organs have to process the hazardous chemicals in alcohol. Do you know what happens when the liver processes alcohol? It pumps the toxins into the rest of your body...err, so (unless I’m mistaken) that means most tools that help speed up this process are only getting it out of your liver and into your other vital organs more quickly??? I fail to see how this is healthy. I’m open to reviewing scientific research that suggests otherwise.

And forget about the “research” which suggests the properties of certain alcohols are “good” for you...typically, you can get as many antioxidant benefits from a glass of fruit juice. Don’t play with me here.

Bottom line: If you’re in the biz of teaching other people to be healthy, yet have conveniently avoided the research on alcohol and instead share “hacks” with your community, you are being irresponsible. People are looking to you as an expert...people who have trusted that you will do the research for them and who will probably take many things you say a bit out of context. What you might be sharing as a “once in a while” hack, may be seen to others as an everyday solution. Again, I’m open to something reputable which reports otherwise, but as of now, I struggle to get behind this trend.

High-Achieving Gray Area Drinkers

I know a lot of high-achieving women (and men) who drink in the “gray area” (meaning they drink fairly regularly, yet don’t fall into the alcohol use disorder spectrum). Watching as people - who are clearly talented, intelligent and full of potential - settle for the limited promises alcohol provides is very difficult for me. These people typically sense that they have a lot going for them. They have big dreams, big ambitions, and big potential. Yet, they seem to be getting along pretty well, even though they drink.

You see, I used to be one of these drinkers. I know how easy it is to convince yourself that you are kicking so much ass in life that you deserve a drink. I know how common it is to rely on a little magic elixir to cure your stress, exhaustion, burnout, etc. I’ve believed the lie that my life was great with alcohol...I had so much going for me...I didn’t have a problem...drinking was fun and obviously couldn’t be holding me back too much...so why quit? Boy, was I wrong.

If those high-functioning drinkers knew the magic they were truly missing out on by approaching life clear-headed and fully conscious, I believe they would be dumbfounded by what they were truly missing out on. If they knew the potential and success they have now are only a tiny fraction of what is available to them should they show up at their full potential all of the time...they’d be floored. If they knew just how much alcohol was affecting them cognitively and emotionally (long after their buzz or hangover subsided)...they’d feel stunned at just how long they stifled their abilities by turning to alcohol as a social lubricant and problem solver.

Yet, they’d also have to face the reality that when they removed the buffer that alcohol has provided, they’d have to face many deep-rooted and not-so-shiny realities they’d been using alcohol to mask. They’d be forced to face insecurities they weren’t even aware they had. They’d have to re-learn how to function in social situations where they’d always relied on alcohol before.

This, my friends, is difficult and thankless work that is so uncomfortable most of us avoid. We settle, rather, for the comfortable reality that it is okay to stay in our current pattern because it is what is socially acceptable. However, it is undoubtedly the most empowering feeling when you embrace that there is so much more waiting for you once you remove a toxic substance from your life.

Watching as really talented, smart, capable humans limit their potential and delay their healing by drowning out negative emotions is tremendously sad for me. I know it sounds evangelistic, but I’ve experienced what life is available on the other side of giving up alcohol and actually dealing with your problems...it’s so beautiful, I don’t think it’s so crazy to want others to experience that...and this is why I believe I am where I am right now.

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All this to say, I don’t mind if other people drink, but I find it difficult to be around drunk people. But, on top of this general answer is a broader desire for those who drink to have something more. I aim to be a champion for the greatness of others. Encouraging others to make themselves small with alcohol is no longer part of my contract in this lifetime. I will not judge those who choose to indulge, but I will continue to hold the vision of their greatness in my mind because I know that this vision is what is possible for anyone who chooses to remove alcohol from their life and focus that energy instead on living a life beyond their wildest dreams.

If you to are on the journey to live a life free of alcohol (or maybe you’re just curious), I invite you to join the waitlist for my upcoming programs. No matter if you drink a little, a lot, or not at all; there will be support, mentorship, tools, and community for you!